The Onion casting wide.

But is it wide enough?

Deeper than the mountains… older than the trees…?

John Denver was singing about sharks?

It doesn’t matter what I would choose to do. Quantum immortality robs you of free will. I’m slaved to the swap, and my life’s path is now deterministic in nature.

It’s a hell that I wouldn’t even be aware of.

Waiting for their orders to start killing brown folks.

They should be more mad at The Residence using ‘The Fall of the House of Usher’ for the first episode instead of one of Poe’s actual mysteries.

Next time you try pizza; try crab.

We prefer “asexual” or “ace”.

Depends on how you’re counting.

An unknown-unknown?

“Yeah… SRY, but sex and gender are not a binary.”

That’s because today’s t-shirts are made of such poor materials.

It’s almost impossible to see the last two words because your brain is already reeling from the rest of the statement. It took me a few tries to finally parse it.